Resolution

I've never been fond of making New Year's resolutions, mostly because I find the whole idea kind of silly. Yeah, new year, new beginning and all of that, but it doesn't make much sense to decide to become resolved about something based on an arbitrary day on the calendar. January 1st isn't particularly different from all the other days of the year: it comes around once every 12 months, it has special meaning for some people because of a birthday or anniversary, it's preceded and followed by the same two days every year...the only unique thing it has going for it is that it's the day we put a new calendar on the wall and start trying to remember to change the last digit or two of the year whenever we write the date.

Resolution isn't something you can flick on and off like a switch. It involves a lot of willpower and a sincere desire for change if it's going to last more than five minutes, five hours or five days. It gets given up on a lot, because resolving to do something usually involves doing it the hard way, and we all know how easy it is to slip back to what's, well, easy.

So in my mind, the best time to make a resolution is when you're feeling resolved about something. Our most important national resolution was announced to the world on July 4th, which is about as far away from January 1st as you can get in a year. And as far as I know, January 1st isn't a particularly popular wedding date, although wedding vows are among the most serious resolutions out there. We don't know from one day to the next what the rest of the year will bring, so why not incorporate resolutions into our lives as we find them necessary, rather than on a particular date?

Resolutions, like the new year, invoke the idea of new beginnings (which is probably why we've linked them together - it makes sense, although I think we got it backwards), which are usually exciting and almost always a little scary. The difference is that while the calendar can mark the time, it can't create any real change in our lives; we make our new beginnings ourselves, or are pushed into them by circumstance.

I'm looking forward to diving into 2009, even though I'm not making any resolutions today. 2008 was something of a rough year for me, involving the deaths of two people and a dog, all of whom I love, the end of a relationship that meant a great deal to me, several tumultuous and stressful months at work that I'm not entirely certain are over and the over-arching stress of having all of those things happen one after another at the rate of about one per month. For a number of weeks this summer and fall, I felt like I was in the middle of an ocean, being pummeled by waves - one after another - managing to tread water in between them, but not making any real progress toward catching my breath or striking out toward dry land.

I'm still working through some of the emotional aftermath of last year, but I know that I'll carry some solid life lessons with me into 2009, along with good memories that were, either directly or indirectly, the result of 2008's turmoil. As a result of my grandmother's death, I spent a wonderful weekend in New York with family I rarely get to see. I wallowed after the break-up, that day and many others, but I also dragged myself out of bed at 6am the next day and ran a 10K faster than I ever had before - and have continued to run even faster since. After several generally frustrating and sometimes painful months, I learned (I think) to put my own needs first, personally and professionally, and to always strive for balance between the two.

If I were going to make a resolution for 2009, it would be to make the most of it, the bad as well as the good. To take the bad in stride, learn what I can from it and keep going, all the while holding fast to the good and pulling it along with me, both for present happiness and for warmth in darker times to come.

But that isn't a resolution for a year, it's a resolution for a lifetime. And it's one I try to remind myself of whenever I'm feeling cranky or blue. Sure, it sometimes gets lost in the shuffle of the day-to-day, but whenever I feel like I've been kicked into the dirt and am sitting there gasping for breath, that resolution usually surfaces somewhere in my mind between bouts of tears, anger or grief and eventually convinces me to pick myself up, brush off the dust and get moving again. After all, time doesn't wait for anyone and I certainly don't intend to waste much of it on the downside of life.

So here's wishing you all a very happy new year, and success in any resolutions you make, today or any other.